my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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