You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
third nipple confirmed
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
