we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Buhtt sex?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
