I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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