it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
