I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
