she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
