he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
