Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
