Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
