I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
