How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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