I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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