the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
