I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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