like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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