i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Someone shit on the floor
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
