You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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