ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
