ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have tasted many bathrooms
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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