That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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