it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
