Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
