Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
