Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
