my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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