i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
