Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
