do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
