john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
