The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
