The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
