I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
