Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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