It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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