He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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