peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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