i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
