i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The power of my boobs compel you
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
