you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
