I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We got so high we made milksteak
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
