So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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