I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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