i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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