He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
