Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
