i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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