pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
