i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
