nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
