she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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