yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
